Monday, April 12, 2010

The Year Of The Hot Pants - A Fashion Lecture By Dr. Love

Fun Club Initiative is proud to present a fashion feature by Dr. Love.

"Dear females, my name is Dr. Love, I have a PhD in love & romantic feelings with a special expertise in female love & female romantic feelings. So I mostly advise women who are a bit lost in this cruel and pointless world of love, try to reform their boy-friends for whatever matter (e.g. drinks too much, has a hygiene problem, doesn't make her feel like she's the light at the end of some slutty tunnel) or are just looking for a decent mate to copulate with. My success rate is extremely high. 

Like any good doctor in the field of love I usually say nice and decent things like: "Don't be a pussy, get the fuck over it, respect yourself, at best even love yourself, don't expect too much from some random fellow who's probably just as lost as you are and then take it from there. And yes, of course you're very good looking and hot and the boys are stupid for not letting you know more often." However, today I'm on a different mission. As professional as I might appear, I'm also a human being with hobbies and one of my hobbies is fashion, I'm in fact a born-and-bred fashion freak. Now that summer is coming up, I thought I advise you on what to wear in 2010. I might add that you first and foremost should wear what you feel comfortable in, even if it looks really retarded and/or plain boring. Then again, I don't really have to apologize for advising you to dress slutty, the backlash movement already took care of it. It doesn't matter if you want to be a housewife or a porn actress or just one big artficial boob set on sticks, as long as you add that you don't do it for the men or the money, but for your innermost being (e.g. to feel sexy JUST for yourself), it is alright and your God given right as a woman.

2010 is the year of the hot pants. Hot pants are cheap and sexy. It makes a lot of sense to wear them in summer - in winter it's too cold. Advantage: your legs will see some sun, get all brownish and suddenly all the stuff that you might not like about them (e.g. all these bruises that you never know where you got them from at the first place or this bit of cellulitis that - by the way - even I have on my ass if I don't pose for a picture) disappears. I have to admit that the miniskirt provides you with a similar feature, but it has the disavantage (particularly in spring) of basically begging this fucking cold stone you're sitting on next to Hans Mustermann (so you can lick on each others icecream) to give you a nasty cystitis that will make "the sex" (that you will still have, because you're a good girl) quite painful for a while. However, this is what I have in mind:

The following pants are also beautiful, but they are just not hot enough, you would have to cut off a bit of leg:

And just to show you that there are many options that as such allow you to make your own decision and be a real individual while looking like anyone else, I give you the gold option:

If you're about to get married, you can of course also wear hot pants. However, under no circumstances you can combine them with this top. In this case you need a tight, but high-necked white shirt and a black (bow) tie. You should also wear a different face (facial expression).

Well, most of us don't get married, so let's get back to workaday clothes. This is the direction we're heading at:

YES - I do believe that hot pants should be combined with a decent belly-crack top. Perhaps this one would suit you well?

Britney has proven a while ago that even a disgusting orange-grey hippie robe can be worn as a hot belly-crack vestment:

If you have a big heart, you can show it by wearing the following treasure:

However, it is very much important that you choose the right shoes with the hot pants belly-crack combination. All things considered there is only one choice. You definitely need a manly counterpoint. There is an old saying that I just made up and it goes like this: "If you show ass also show that you can kick some." The following model looks super-comfy and they definitely feel "hot" in summer:

Thank you kindly for taking my advise under consideration. Your friend and doctor, Dr. Love."


Anonymous said...

laughing and crying. i want more fashion advice from you, please.

Anonymous said...

this was what I had been looking for all last summer... where have you been all my life dr. Love?

Raymond said...

Thanks for using my photo (the 1st one on this page) Just for the records to achieve the license rules:

Photographer: Raimond Spekking
License: cc-by-sa-3.0